Year 22: A Sentimental Lookback

The year that had just passed was a year I felt the most pain.


Back in February, a respected figure in the Chinese education circle went to school to listen to several Chinese classes, which included mine in her itinerary. After she witnessed my teaching, I asked her opinion on my performance, and she said, “If I could only give you zero, I would give you zero.”

Well, this new teaching fella is shocked and hurt. I thought I did well and was able to let my students comprehend my teaching. How could she say that, I told myself. I protested to my superiors and was too adamant to receive opinions for some time. Months after, that same personality called me to introduce myself and speak briefly in front of hundreds of teachers from China in a Chinese education gathering. There, she praised me for being good at speaking Mandarin and she reminded everyone that all who just started in doing something might not be successful at first try, so she encouraged all of us inside the venue to strive harder to excel. So by those words, I bury the hatchet and forgave her.


In August, my teaching task with some of the Immigration officers ended with not so satisfactory results. The short-term Mandarin Conversational course started on May and I was really looking forward to begin. At first, the attendance was good, but several weeks passed, more and more students there were just absent and some even never returned to classes, citing conflicting schedule and work leave as their reasons. I was disappointed for as the end date of my teaching nears, the greater I felt that they do not consider my class important, that they lack enthusiasm in learning the language, though they knew they ought to learn it for easier conversation.


Even though there were still at least three lessons untaught, I decided not to continue anymore. I felt my time is wasted there, travelling for an hour (if my class is at NAIA 3, Pasay), teaching for at least 90 minutes, travelling back to Manila for another hour, and having dinner by 10PM was never easy. And for the record, I did it for at least twelve weeks, so the stress on me was getting heavier and I was unconscious to that at first, until our school principal pointed it out to me when I burst in “full anger” in front of my students one day in mid-August and to another student days later. I then realized that I only get paid for the teaching, but not for the stress and other inconveniences.


In November, there was double jeopardy. One Saturday, while I and a friend were walking along Reina Regente Bridge, my wallet was stolen by a guy. In my wallet are a three-digit amount of money, two debit cards, National Library ID (with my picture on it), some loyalty cards, and my laboratory membership card (which has my complete personal information). Of course I was shocked and feared for my life for some time, but luckily I was able to block the cards and no one (as of now) has used my identity to engage in whatever illegal activities. 


Days later, I had to face the biggest family problem yet in my entire life, which involved my mother and my biggest younger sister. They had misunderstanding that resulted to a six-day standoff. (It's not hyperbole, it is heck real!) I was dragged into it for I have to stand to who first needed the understanding and guidance, and had to decide how to make them reconcile. I am very sorry if I needed to make things vague in this particular matter, for this is a family matter that should not be tackled around outside. But I included this for I think this was the worst I encountered ever! I was the most affected person. I had less sleep, I had to shed tears, I had to endure the cursing and criticisms of some relatives who I thought are wiser but are no better at all. Nevertheless, I knew I made the right choice in settling everyone down and I have no regrets for my position. Now, all is well and I hope it will remain this way forever.


The year that had passed also brought me the most joy.


First off, my students – my very first advisory class, which I handled for two years. Before I started teaching, some Chinese teachers dubbed them as the worst Chinese class, for they were always a pain in the neck to their previous Chinese class advisers, and also because cheating was rampant in their class during examinations. But when I came in, well, it was initially difficult to implement things they were not used to do, like “no cheating”, “don’t make fool of your Chinese teacher” and the like. Nonetheless, all those reprimands paid off. Why? Because my class, I can say, has the lowest “cheating rate” (only at least 3 times in 400 school days, or at least 0.75%), has the lowest “guidance counsellor rate” (only one time in 400 school days, or 0.25%), and has the highest improvement at a Chinese diagnostic test conducted this school year.


I take delight when it comes to their improved performance, for they learn to read Chinese characters and to pick up its meaning by just looking at the character itself, and I believe they can understand Mandarin and Hokkien way above what they have learned previously. Most of them are very competitive, they strive hard to beat their previous performances, and this time, they did it the right way. They reviewed and studied, and not a single cheat sheet was seen in my class. (The school even did not bother to assign an extra proctor during the final exams and rather chose to keep eagle eyes on other class.) Even my over-aged students are very participative and competitive, too. They knew they will never make it to the top three honors, but they actually dominated among the rest. I am positive they will carry on to the next school years what they have put in their minds and in their hearts. With this feat is the reason why I put my class first in my “joy list”.


Second, is the chance to talk in front of hundreds of people. Last December, I and my youngest sister were invited by a very compassionate Buddhist organization to share our life experiences at their twentieth founding anniversary. My youngest sister is a scholar of the said org, hence the invitation. Before the event, I took mental notes on what to say and share, however, after watching several videos of their continuous effort to help the needy, my heart was so touched and my mind was so overwhelmed that I cannot find my mental notes anymore, so I just had to go and share what I think.


I shared to people that my family is not a well-to-do one, thus we need help to sustain our education. I emphasized that I am a product of the help of numerous generous people and organizations, for my education was sponsored until I finished college. I thanked the org for giving all of us exemplary actions of compassion and charity and called to the people to emulate and to duplicate what the org has been doing for the past years. It brought me joy, not because of the loud applause and the positive feedback that I received, but I had the opportunity to talk to people, to share what I had really experienced, and to tell them what I really had in my mind.


Third, are my colleagues. The school principal, from the beginning, has been very supportive. She has been a helping hand and a source of morale boost especially during that November double trouble. Special mention also is our school registrar who also helped me get through those difficult times. My colleagues from the mainland China are very awesome as well! Though most of them are not of my age, but they can relate to a 90’s person like me, and in return, I learned so much from them. I feel comfortable when I am with them. I can freely express myself when I converse with them. I am very fortunate to have them as my colleagues in school. And because of that, …


I bring you to the fourth in my joy list, which is being out of Manila to have vacay, and that’s all because of God’s grace and of my generous Chinese colleagues! We went to Boracay last APEC Leaders Meeting in November (after the double jeopardy!), then to Cebu and Bohol during Christmas Break, and finally to Corregidor Island in January. I never had a series of out-of-town opportunity in my entire life, until I met these vacay-loving co-teachers! We have had a lot of fun and had so many first-time experiences on land, sea and air! Those were the best times ever! I was happier than ever, I appreciated life, I appreciated nature, I appreciated people, I appreciated places… Thank God for these vacay, I started to have positivity back in my life again!


The last one in my list is the chance to sing. You may find this corny and invaluable, but I really cherished the times I challenged myself to sing songs that I “fear” to sing. During our Teachers Concert at school last September, I sang “Perfect” by Simple Plan. Another song that challenged me is “I’ll Be” of Edwin McCain, I sang it when we were at Corregidor. Those two songs really pushed my voice range to the limit. Well, to further keep myself on pushing, I sometimes go to a certain mall to sing. But I just sing when there are no people around who recognize me. I feel free and sing better that way! Haha!


Just recently, I and my other younger sister were invited by my Chinese colleagues to see the last day of an international fireworks competition at Pasay. I really don’t appreciate fireworks, but when we got there, the flashing lights just made me say wow a lot of times. I think to myself, if I could just pretend that all those fireworks are to represent my bitterness and negativities, they are always bound to shoot up high into the sky, burst in mid-air, and be gone forever. What will remain is the impression of seeing the light that comes from it, which brings joy and hope to the people who have seen it.

I wish that my twenty-third year will give me more happiness and accomplishment, so that I, too, can bring more people to positivity and true faith.